Damnnn I haven't wrote any journals for a long while. Maybe it's time to sweep the dust from this old af place I created 4 years ago for myself I guess! Wow, looking back at all this stuff makes me nostalgic... also sort of cringy.
I'm kinda literal when I talk about sweeping the dust.
I may be considering deleting... well, not the whole account, but a BIG chunk of things from here. I sweat nervously everytime I scroll past the crap I drew in 2011. And in 2012. Also some in 2013/14. Maybe also 2015. Er...
Anyways I'm not going to delete all this stuff right away. Some things I'll hold dear... in the scraps. And some others in a folder with a gigantic OLD SHIT DON'T YOU DARE TAKING THE TINYEST PEEK EVER so that everyone will go there
because there'd be nothing else otherwise........
Like, an almost empty general gallery. I'm sorry, the cringe is killing me.
I tell myself I should draw more all the time. I wind up with shitty doodles instead.
I love drawing, but I have mental breakdowns over the stupidest shit ever conceivable half the time I grab a pencil and instead of correcting my mistakes I just go full miserable and there's barely a way out after some days.
I do want a job from this idiot hobby I never let go of, but I have literally no idea where to start. I'm awful at talking to people in general and I even hardly accept compliments (or know how to, above all). And support! I just don't really want people to give it to me out of pity, which is what happens, mostly. Where the hell am I supposed to go when I'm like this?
Okay, it wasn't supposed to fall into rant territory, buuut it's been a very long time since I gave the slightest attention to Deviantart, really. Even when I was posting some art. So I just wrote down some "lenghty" "news", I guess. Oh, and I'm out of comic school! I've been out for a year. Haven't done much in the entire year aside from traveling as always, honestly. Will have a driver license soon, hopefully.
In the end, I don't want to let go of this site, but it doesn't make me excited as it used to. Not even Tumblr does, actually. (Breaking news: I actually kinda hate both Tumblr and Deviantart, and also like 'em somehow)
So I'll just clean all this stuff out soon, I suppose, and there's that. Unless I fricking disappear again, which is not too unlikely.
Cranky talk aside, I just want you all to know that I'm actually glad you watch me even if I'm really inactive! Thanks, new and old watchers. I'm just not in the mood to write here or keep up with this site that much. I haven't in a very long time.